I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
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I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
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At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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