I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
