ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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