Screwed.edu
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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