oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
