When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
