I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
