Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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