I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
