so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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