weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
