yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
