tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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