just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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