took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
