i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
