I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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