I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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