I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
