Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
