I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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