Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
