"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
