the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think your dad took our porno
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
