I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
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he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
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You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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