im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
