careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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