Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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