If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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