haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
