I wish my penis had an off switch
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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