He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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