forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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