Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
