We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
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There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
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My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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