what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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