please come you make the beer taste better
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
