Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I need moral support for this bender
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
