The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have feelings that need drinking.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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