Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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