Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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