guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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