I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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