dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just want to make out with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize