Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
