Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
