I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
