Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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