last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
