Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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