He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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