I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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