I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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