You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
