we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
