she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
