just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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