Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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