Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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