Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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