Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
When did angry sex become our thing?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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