Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
