..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i wish my penis had a tongue
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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