Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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