Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
