Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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