What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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