i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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