She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
