there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
