the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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